Chapter 8

HARMONY IN THE FAMILY –UNDERSTANDING VALUES IN RELATIONSHIPS

 

Justice (Nyaya) :Justice is the recognition of values in the relationship, their fulfillment, the right evaluation of fulfilment of values resulting in mutual happiness (Ubbay-tripti).

 

Values or Feelings in Relationship

We naturally live in family, we have relationships where we interact with other human beings for mutual happiness
  1. The relationship is – between the self (I) and the other self (I)
  2. There are feelings, or expectation of feelings, in a relationship – of oneself (I) for the other self (I)
  3. These feelings can be recognized – they are definite
  4. Their fulfilment and evaluation leads to mutual happiness

Feelings in the relationship:

  1. Trust (Vishwas)
  2. Respect (sammaan)
  3. Affection (Sneha)
  4. Care (Mamta)
  5. Guidance (Vatsalya)
  6. Reverence (Shraddha)
  7. Glory (Gaurav)
  8. Gratitude (Kratagyata)
  9. Love (Prem)

 

 

  1. Trust: To be assured that each human being inherently wants oneself and the other to be happy and prosperous.
Trust is the foundational value in the relationship. There are two part of human behavior i.e.  
intention and competence. We say, I wanted to do well, but could not”. “Wanting to” is the intention, and “could not” is the lack of competence. When we are judging ourselves, we judge on the basis of intention, whereas, when we judging others, we judge on the basis of competence. We say, “He did not want to do well”. We doubt his intention. We trustour own intention while we are not ready to trust the other’s intention. It is same for the others aswell.  
Hence, mistrust is born and we deny the relationship. When we are assured of the intention of the other and find that the competence is lacking, we come forward to help him. When we doubt the intention of the other, we get into opposition. We have to check, how many are there whose intention we trust at all the time. The answer is none for most of us. This is true even within families, society and the organizations. This is the most serious matter in all our interpersonal relationship –between husband and wife, father and son, between friends, (in the organization – between owner and employee, superior and subordinate, and between peers) – this lack of trust, at the level of intention, is the basic issue. And we seem to do nothing to address this issue, to resolve this issue. The table below depicts the two parts of human behaviour. 

Respect: Respect means, “Right Evaluation” to be evaluated as I am.

However, usually we make mistake in our evaluation in the following three ways.  
Over Evaluation (adhi-mulyana) – to evaluate more than what it is.  
Under Evaluation (ava-mulyana) – to evaluate less than what it is.  
Otherwise Evaluation (a – mulyana) – to evaluate otherwise than what it is.  
Respect means, “Right Evaluation” to be evaluated as I am. The respect is possible when, at the level of self (I), we can see that the other is similar to me. We both want to be happy. Instead of respect being a basis of similarity or on the right evaluation, we made it something on the basis of which we differentiate i.e. Body(gender, race, age, physical strength), Physical Facilities  (wealth, post), and Beliefs(ism’s,sects). In some societies, we find the notions, respect the males more than female and in some societies another way around. We differentiate on the basis of skin colour – white, brown, black, etc. We have notion such as ‘respect the seniors/elders’.  
What about subordinates/youngsters? Should we insult them? Respect and admire the rich?  
Respect to the position! If someone is insulted, will he be happy or unhappy? Until unless we see the others as the human being and understand their needs as of ours, the problem will remain.
Affection (sneha): Affection is the feeling of being related to the other.Feeling
of affection comes when trust and respect are already ensured.  

Care (mamata):The feeling of Care is the feeling to nurture and protect the body of

our relative.  
Guidance (Vatsalya):The feeling of ensuring right understanding in the other  
(my relative) is called Guidance.  

Reverence (shraddha): The feeling of acceptance of excellence in the other is called reverence (shraddha).  

Glory (Gaurava): Glory (gaurav) is the feeling for someone who has made efforts

for Excellence.  

Gratitude (Kritagyata): Gratitude is the feeling of acceptance for those who have

made efforts for my excellence.  
Love (Prem):The feeling of being related to all is love. This is also called  
complete value (purnamulya).  

Reaction Vs Response

Reaction

Response
Doubt on Intention
We are able to see that relationship is at the  
level of ‘I’ 
Irritation
We feel the relatedness with the other – at the  
level of ‘I’  
Getting Angry  
We feel a sense of responsibility to improve our  
own competence and other ’s competence.
Fights  
We feel a sense of responsibility to improve our  
own competence and other ’s competence.
We work for mutual fulfilment. 

 

Before the production, two questions need to be answered.  
What to produce?  
It depends upon the right identification of needs. What is needed for the nourishment,  
protection and right utilization of the body? 
How to produce? 
  • The way nature is organized.  
  • The system should be cyclic and
  • Ensure that every unit is enriched.  
5. Exchange – Storage (Vinmaya-Kosa)  
Exchange refers to the exchange of physical facilities between the members of the society i.e exchange of produce with a view of mutual fulfilment not for the madness of profit.  
Storage refers to storage of physical facilities that is left after the fulfilment the needs of the family i.e. storage of produce after fulfilment of needs with a view of right utilization in future, not hoarding.  
These five dimensions of humanistic society are able to ensure the human  
goal:  
Education–Right Living (SikshaSanskara)  leads to Right Understanding  
Having the process of education and right living right understanding of the individual.  
Health–Self-regulation (Svasthya Sanyam) leads to Prosperity 
Having the program for health andsanyam leads to well being of the body, and identification of need for physical facilities which along with production ensuresfeeling of prosperity in the family.
Justice – Preservation (Nyaya-Suraksha)  leads to  Fearlessness & Co-existence  
Ensuring justice in the relationship or mutual fulfilment in the relationship on the basis of values like trust, respect, etc leads to fearlessness in society while Suraksha of nature via enrichment, protection and right utilization leads to co-existence in nature.  
Production – Work (Utpadan-Karya)  leads to  Prosperity & Co-existence  
Production and work are for physical facilities, and this leads to a feeling of prosperity in the family. Productions are done in harmony with nature, and hence, this also leads to co-existence with nature.  
Exchange – Storage (Vinmaya-Kosa)  leads to  Prosperity & & Fearlessness  
When we store and exchange for mutual fulfilment and not for exploitation, then it leads to fearlessness (trust) in society.  

Undivided Society (Akanda Samaja) – feeling of being related to every human being.

Universal Human Orders (Sarvahauma Vyuavastha) – feeling of being related to  
every unit including human beings and other entities of nature.